Posted on: January 25, 2008 4:16 pm
Edited on: January 25, 2008 11:24 pm

Most People, Contrary To Many Beliefs, Bleed Red

Well one late night while looking at my sword-shaped letter opener and keyboard wrist pad, I found myself in a very deep version of a coma. As any even-minded human being would, i started making holes in the wrist pad. I found that the initial stab was simple, but it took at LEAST half of a muscle to pull it back out. That's when it donned on me. Stabbing someone would be hard if you were planning to do it more than once. I mean can you imagine how hard it'd be to yank a knife out of human flesh once much less 40-50 times in succession. Mass murderers actions cannot be condoned, but they certainly have to be respected. Those guys either had some good muscle mass or huge stones to be yanking that thing in and out over 25 times each night. Murderers are definitely good at what they do and we need to use that to our advantage. We send these guys out into the streets of Baghdad ala Alarik from Assassin's Creed and tell him to have at it. We send Mahoney-level officers along with him to make sure he kills true-blooded insurgents. These guys have trained themselves to kill, why not let him use their skill! Think about it, the insurgents are happy when the murderer eventually turns on the cops, and we're happy because he's slaughtering not-so-helpless Iraqi insurgents. Everyone wins.

Moral of The Story: Don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys. Train them to kill instead. For the good of America.
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